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    January 13, 2010 – President Orders U.S. Navy to Haiti on Rescue Mission

    In response to an urgent plea for help from the United States Coast Guard, President Obama has ordered the Secretary of the Navy to dispatch all available vessels to the area north of Haiti. The Coast Guard, being charged with not allowing any unapproved vessels to leave Haiti, is running short on ammunition.

    Due to the recent earthquake and widespread destruction, the northern coast is lining up with those desperate to escape this living hell and willing to risk their lives to reach saftey on the shores of the United States. With an abundance of litter, from which makeshift rafts can hastily be made, the number of refugees on homemade boats is rapidly becoming unmangageable.

    “Those damn bamboo boats are the worst. It takes thousands of rounds to totally destroy them.” grinned an unidentified Coast Guard gunner. “We hated to let the Navy in on this but having more ammo dropped in was hopeless. As soon as a cargo box hits the water a Haitian pops up, climbs on and starts paddling north. If they announce another cargo drop, be sure to get back up on deck as quick as you can. A Haitian trying to steal our ammo is about the funniest damn thing you’ll ever get a chance to see! I can bust an ammo box a whole lot easier than a bamboo raft.”

    Somewhat taken aback, my expression must have revealed that I was still quite green.

    “Bam-BOOM rafts, that’s what we call stolen ammo boxes.” chuckled another. “I hope they drop some more before the Navy gets here. If they do, I’ll come and get you.”

    “I hope they don’t.” scowled one of the older crewmen, his gaze focused on the panic-stricken island.

    Obviously sickened from the years of continuous killing off the coast of Haiti, I was intrigued to hear his story and asked him why.

    “Well, it looks cool enough, no doubt about that but the damned explosions are killing the sharks. Look over there. No, I mean way out there, about half way between us and where the breakers start. See that guy swimming like hell and looking over his shoulder? Cool! I’ve got a $ 50 bet with the gunners that a shark gets him before they do. Keep an eye on him for me old buddy, I’ve got to get back to my post.”

    I had been had, and soon, so was the terrified swimmer.

    Label this tale fiction if it helps you to sleep at night.



    It seems a bit odd that there are no recent reports available that detail what is happening along the coast of Haiti. Perhaps there are no boat people at all and I simply have an overactive imagination, perhaps so. Then again, perhaps reporting on our stepped up containment efforts to protect the Father Land from these “economic terrorists” is verboten due to concerns for “national security”. Sounds like a familar story.

    Those wishing to learn more about the continuing policy of the United States towards the poor people of Haiti and especially those contemplating sending their last remaining cash to Bill Clinton or the Bush family are especially encouraged to read the linked article.

    During the 1980s more than 20,000 Haitian boat people were interdicted (arrested) by U.S. officials at sea—and only one in a thousand was permitted to make an application for asylum. Although the UN High Commissioner for Refugees and the Organization of American States Inter-American Commission on Human Rights demurred, the U.S. Supreme Court in 1993 ( Sale v. Haitian Centers Council Inc., et al. ) upheld 8 to 1 the authority of the executive effectively to refoul such migrants despite the explicit commitments of the 1951 Refugee Convention and 1967 Protocol and the provisions of the 1980 Refugee Act. Supporters of the interdiction policy, begun in earnest by President Ronald Reagan and continued through Bill Clinton’s presidency, argued that the Haitians were “economic migrants” instead of political refugees, while some critics, particularly from the Congressional Black Caucus, detected racism at work.

    Read more:

    Or this one from 2008 where the director for Haiti’s National Migration Office, Jeanne Bernard Pierre, is quoted by Reuters as saying …

    “We even show them pictures of sharks eating people, but they would tell us they know many others who reached U.S soil and who are now sending money to relatives left in Haiti.” – Reuters

    I’m not sure how much the television networks would pay for video footage of this but MSNBC has a series on prisons and this seems to be just the type of thing they would appreciate :

    Escape From Haiti – The Island Prison of the Caribbean – Hosted by Robin Leach – copyright – Jan. 15, 2010 – Not to be used without the express permission of the original author – ME

    P.S. – The 50 per cent offer is still open but I’m expecting to hear from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart most any day.



    To the Director of the Federal Emergency Mangagement Agency (FEMA) :

    When a large scale disaster strikes, providing an abundance of water and food for the ambulatory survivors is required to prevent riots and total chaos. By doing just this, and doing it immediately, a mob can be transformed into a group of dedicated and eager neighbors, working in harmony, to help their stricken countrymen.

    In the case of the recent earthquake and subsequent devastation of Haiti, providing ample food and water was a task that the United States of America could have accomplished in a timely fashion. Thus, the riots and killings that are occuring, over food and water, 10 days after the initial event, appear to have been allowed, intentionally. This is not a very professional appearance, by any standard.

    Low level bombing missions and helicopter drops could have blanketed every acre of open space in the vicinity of Port au Prince with bottled water and Slim Jims before the end of the second day.

    “Heck of a job Brownie!” – George W. Bush


    Laptops Daddy

    dont you think they have to be a bit careful? the usa have a bit of a reputation.

    i think i agree – from what ive seen, they (and we (uk/europe) and everyone else) havent done anywhere near enough. it’d be nice to think everyone would put political issues aside.

    for the kind of help you imagine the usa could provide, theyd need to involve the military. i think the rest of the world would prob be a bit “damn, there they go again”.

    wasnt that part of the point of your first post? (i did read it – seemed like it would have been poor taste to reply)



    I think that in less than 30 minutes I had conceived an executable plan that was far superiour to that of our government’s best minds. Scary stuff.

    @laptops Daddy wrote:

    dont you think they have to be a bit careful? the usa have a bit of a reputation.

    i think i agree – from what ive seen, they (and we (uk/europe) and everyone else) havent done anywhere near enough. it’d be nice to think everyone would put political issues aside.

    for the kind of help you imagine the usa could provide, theyd need to involve the military. i think the rest of the world would prob be a bit “damn, there they go again”.

    wasnt that part of the point of your first post? (i did read it – seemed like it would have been poor taste to reply)

    Yes, we would want to be careful not to cause a crowd and not to hurt anyone. The first round of bombing would consist of two waves. Heavy bombers (B-52’s, etc.) would drop bottled water (singles) by the thousands into the water all along the coast of the stricken areas. This spreads out the bootie and makes it easily obtainable. The next wave would be copters and any other available light bombers with Slim Jim singles. They dump their cargos on the land near the devestation.

    This is the first round of action.

    The last time I checked we had the reputation of being able to put our ordinances pretty much anywhere we want to place them. Surely with all of the practice we’ve had lately, we have only gotten better.

    No, I don’t think anyone would have said anything at all about us dropping free food and water regardless of the type of planes.

    My point … Things are not always as they seem.

    P.S. – Slim Jims are not weapons but are instead beef sticks that have been preserved using the embalming techniques of the ancient Egytians (a trade secret, never to be revealed).

    After all around us has turned to dust, a time capsule will be opened that contains a Slim Jim. Perfectly preserved and just as tastey then as they are today.


    Laptops Daddy

    @rommel wrote:

    No, I don’t think anyone would have said anything at all about us dropping free food and water regardless of the type of planes.

    actually, i heard reports on the uk news even within the first couple of days that ‘people’ were concerned about the US overstepping the mark by sending the military. there were concerns.

    i say ‘people’ with quotes. the uk media is often very contrived, especially the bbc.

    they should have done it anyway. a full on rescue mission.



    Yes, but the military actions being protested are for undertaking an entirely different mission than providing ample emergency supplies.

    See : Berlin Air Lift

    My apologies to the Egyptians. With twice as many letters, it is sometimes easy to miss one or two.

    P.S. – By waiting until the people are desperate and then sending a few smucks into the middle of the crowd with a truck full of bagged rice, a riot is almost a sure thing.

    This gave us a reasonable excuse to take over.

    P.P.S. – You didn’t ask how. That was the real beauty of it all.

    The President places a phone call to the CEO of Walmart.

    “All distribution centers within 100 miles of a commercial airport … Yes, I know that is all of them … SHUT UP! … are hereby ordered to stop all further deliveries and use all available means to deliver their entire inventory of bottled water and Slim Jims to the nearest available airport. Any distribution center found in vilolation of this emergency order will result in military take over of your entire operation. Are we clear? Good, gotta boogie, things to do … Yeah, well since you want to whine about it, toss in all of your disposable diapers and disinfecting hand gel too. Obama out!” CLICK

    In less than 30 minutes, Federal agents have landed a helicopter at each of the centers. Compliance is 100 per cent. All of the cargo is ready for military pick up in less then 6 hours with several loads ready in about an hour.

    It isn’t rocket science and if the military couldn’t handle the job, we could have given the order to Federal Express and UPS, overnight home delivery, before 10:00 A.M. Local time.

    P.P.P.S. – I am more than a little steamed about all of this and expected better, much better, from this administration.

    In the video footage that I saw, a young man weighing maybe 60 to 70 kilos was given a bag of rice that appeared to weigh about 45 kilos. It was pathetic watching him trying to get a secure grip on it as those around him tried to take it from him. The “aid workers” did nothing. Then, like a rabbit, flushed from his hole, he made a mad dash though the crowd, his bag of rice fighting for freedom as valiantly as he was fighting to maintain his grip. He was soon run down and overwhelmed.

    He was left with his life and clothing, nothing more.


    Laptops Daddy

    @rommel wrote:

    I am more than a little steamed about all of this and expected better, much better, from this administration.

    i hoped for a little more. he is a bit of a let-down. obama just doesnt seem to have the balls he said he did. castrated by the system? probably not unexpected.

    See : Berlin Air Lift

    yeap. im familiar with the story.

    quite different circumstances, though, really. years of war (the real kind where there were assailants and consequences on both sides). after ww2, the allied governments were in a position to do whatever they thought best without needing to get the approval* of the people on every big issue in the way our governments do now. (*yeah right – but you get the point).

    im sure there are all kinds of political problems. it seems absolutely wrong that politics should even come into it, but i do understand why it wouldnt look good and wouldnt be acceptable if haiti was suddenly swarming with another countrys military. (especially the US military in all their infamy and especially considering haiti’s history and all the problems they had already)



    I don’t see why all the complaints. Michelle Obama is personally soliciting funds from the American people by radio and TV adds. Give people give! Make the Americans give more DAMNIT! You lazy slobs, get off the couch, get the phone, and give your donation to the Red Cross now.

    I think we should just tax the Haitians, by making them a US territory, and taxing them heavily, buisinesses would be enticed to go there and set up shop.

    Jobs, complete with new building codes to keep the tax people safe…. problem solved.

    Ok. seriously. The solution is to send in the Coast Guard and Military, in force, amphibious vehicles, only sidearms and small weapons (not brandished).

    When its all done, write up an omnibus bill to cover it all, and as Joe Biden says, pay taxes for kindness sake.



    Given that the earthquake ocurred before 6:00 P.M. (eastern) the
    plan of action described above could been initiated (emergency order
    phone calls) before 7:00 P.M.

    This indicates that several loads of cargo could have reasonablly
    been delivered to Haiti during cover of darkness on the first night.

    The dawn of the first day should have shown the panic-stricken
    populace that intellingent people were not only involved but were
    actually helping.

    P.S. – To Laptop’s Daddy :

    I should have been more specific about my expectations. There
    was no reason to expect a change in our overall adgenda, how-
    ever, I did expect a Presidency that would give the appearence
    of making decisions based on intelligent thinking.

    Not more bumbling around in the dark and blaming others.

    P.P.S. – Slim Jims are obviously not be the most intelligent choice
    for a sole source of dietary needs but they are near perfect for a
    first drop fly over and as I said, they keep for ever. Rice cakes,
    Ramen Noodles and other dry foods should not be dropped until
    abundant water supplies have been established.

    The stupidity of providing 45 Kilo sacks of rice was amazing.

    These people had no water !!!

    Not smart, not smart at all.

    P.P.P.S. – When things appear too stupid to be believable, then things
    other than stupidity should be considered, and considered seriously.



    The rice is probably all they had to drop, they just took it out of some fund from Africa aid or something.



    What is the correct military etiquette for Navy personnel if they see an officer of a different navy? Do they salute? or stand to attention? I’m writing a story and in it a British Officer is on official business in Australia and working with Aussie navy personnel. Would they salute etc if not in uniform or only when they were in uniform?



    Beats me.

    Do the Britts still have a Navy?


    Laptops Daddy

    @rommel wrote:

    Do the Britts still have a Navy?

    britain’s an island! (and a very wealthy warmonger). yes they still have a navy!

    i dont know either, but i couldnt help googling. the internet says no, brits dont salute when not in uniform. i guess an officer on business with another country’s navy would adopt their protocol and i’d assume australia have the same protocols as britain. (that union jack in the australian flag isnt just to make it look pretty).

    do we get to read the story?



    You sold us the Queen Mary in a going out of buisness sale.
    The same thing when we bought the London Bridge.
    Are you guys going out of business or not?
    That was an interesting distraction.
    I assumed it was a history book.
    A real navy, no kidding.

    Look out matey! Somali Sam’s cutting across your bow!

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