Turtle: I could believe it. Turtles, while great orators, can’t move very quickly.
Hippo: Oh, you can shake a leg; you just don’t want to, not when you’re around me.
Turtle: I don’t understand.
H: You know exactly what you’re doing, you big tease. Drop the act.
T: I think you have me confused for another turtle.
H: Oh no, I’d recognize that shake from anywhere. Get over here and let’s see what we can get cooking.
T: What? What is this? If you don’t leave me alone, I will sound my Turtle Sexual Assault whistle. In a matter of days, these hills will be crawling with my brethren, looking to snap you to bits.
H: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean all of that. I just didn’t know how to approach you. Look, I have noticed you around the savannah and I’d like to get to know you a little better.
T: Why? You’re a hippo, you probably just want to relieve yourself in my shell.
H: Never. I’ve been watching you for weeks now, and I just can’t get over how many common interests we have. You like grass, so do I. You’re fond of wallowing in the mud, I am too. We both dislike hyenas. I just can’t stop thinking of us together.
T: You’re talking about the love that we dare not speak its name?
H: I’m just going to say it: Hippo and Turtle, lovers for life. We could make this work.
T: Like ebony and ivory.
H: Or Oprah and Steadman.
T: But what about the others? They’re going to laugh at us; this just doesn’t happen around these parts.
H: I don’t care what they think! When I’m around you, my soul sings like the Jackson 5. If anyone wants to mock that, I’ll gore them and then I’ll fling their corpse into a tree as an example for the others.
T: But there are other problems.
H: Like what?
T: Well, I’m 120 years old.
H: Perfectly aged, if you ask me.
T: And I have a musket ball lodged in my shell from the Shaka Zulu era.
H: If it’s part of you, I’ll love it.
T: Okay, I’m getting to like the sound of this. You really think you could make an honest man out of me?
H: What’d you say?
T: Hmm, sweetheart?
H: You’re male?
T: I am. Didn’t you know that?
H: Go back to San Francisco, you big nancy. *written by Cody Powell*